Talking With Dad
by Fueled By Dr. Pepper
Summary: Leah Clearwater needs to talk. There's only one person who will listen. -- Loosely based off the events of a werewolf RP I do. There's a few references to suicide and an instance of self-inflicted harm. 1100 words. ONE-SHOT. NO MORE. Leah has been penni


Leah stepped up to the first row of headstones and stumbled slightly.  
It caugh her by surprise; the agility of the wolf had always made sure she caught herself. But this wasn't the wolf. This was Leah.  
With all that had been going on, it made sense that the two seemed out of sync. Leah's mind lightly skimmed over the days events while her eyes darted from name to name as she searched for the familiar grave.  
Ironically, Leah had just started forming tears in her eyes when she arrived at her destination.  
"Harold Clearwater."  
She didn't let the drops fall, she blinked them away and smiled, just like she would have if he was there. She placed the small bundle of flowers she brought with her at the foot of the head stone and stayed crouched down.  
"Hi, Dad."  
Her voice still vibrated with the imminent threat of crying but she swallowed hard and took a deep breath.  
"It's been so long, I know. I wish I could have come sooner- maybe just brought you happy news. But you know me, I never show up until I'm so overwhelmed I can't handle it alone."  
Another couple of deep breaths and a blink measured out the three second pause.  
"I don't know where to start. I mean, it's all re-running on a loop in my head and it's going by so fast, I don't know where it begins and where it ends anymore."  
Taking smaller, shallow breaths, her lips were quivering and the blinks just couldn't hold back the tears any longer.  
Then a small breeze rolled across her shoulders and whistled in her ears. It eerily reminded Leah of her father's soothing gestures when she was small and over-excited. She felt comforted and started talking again.  
"I guess I wanna start with the good news first. I told Mom and I wanna tell you.  
"I imprinted. On Jacob."  
Just saying his name brought a smile to Leah's face as the tears rolled down. She laughed; out of nervousness, happiness, and discomfort all at once.  
"Truth be told, I knew for a long time that I loved him. He said the same thing. It was good to get out though, even with the chaos it caused. . ."  
Flashes of the feelings of panic and guilt resurfaced, like she was phased and living out someone else's memory.  
"But that's okay now. I guess. Nessie isn't hurt - even if everyone else in the Cullens are."  
Leah was reminded of Alice and Ruby and her chest squeezed tightly with anxiety.  
"Especially with what happened after.  
"Ruby, one of the new girls, she imprinted on Jasper. It's angered Alice so much. "It's so . . . unfair.  
"We didn't ask for this! All we did was look at someone and then Fate decided to bond us forever."  
The anger and hurt coarsed through Leah's entire nervous system. She shook her head and cleared it for a moment. She waited for the breeze to roll by again before she continued.  
"I didn't want to do this to you, Dad. I'm sorry. I just wanted you to know about what's been going on and here I am ranting and raving. I should be happy that all of us here are fine.  
"Mom's doing good. She worries that I don't come around as often anymore. She's right. I mean, I wasn't even there to argue Seth out of summer school.  
"He's alright though. It's feels weird, being so close to him but I feel like I just get small little snippets of his life now. But I guess that's how Mom feels.  
"I'm a terrible sister. A terrible daughter, fuck, I'm just a terrible person."  
The tears were continuosly pouring out and her words with muddled by sobs. She continued confessing.  
"Mom told me, 'He'd be so proud of you, Lee. "Staying strong after Sam, being true to your destiny with Jacob's pack, and he'd be glad to see you happy with Jacob'  
"But all I can think of is the horrible things, the stuff no one knows about."  
She collasped into a curled-up ball leaning against her father's headstone.  
"I wasn't strong. I was shut-off. "I hurt myself. I knew no one could ever notice because of the super-healing. I felt so out of control and it was something completely in my hands. I was so far gone.  
"I concentrated so hard on learning to control my phasing so I could start aging and . . . be over with it all. I wanted that newborn vampire alone so I could get out of all this without any guilt."  
Leah banged her head against the hard grey rock. Out of habit, Leah began scratching her arm, letting the nails bring up skin even as it healed in the same second.  
"After I was done hurting myself, I hurt other people. I hurt Paul and now . . .  
he's thinking about doing what I should have done back then. He shouldn't feel like that. Jake needs him - and I need Jake.  
"But do I even deserve him? I joined Jake's pack to be closer to him. I was acting so selfishly.  
"I told Ruby. I wasn't fixed by the imprint. I'll always be damaged."  
Leah let her self cry for a few minutes. She was being crushed by the weight of all she had kept in.  
"And the pack deserves more than damaged goods."  
Leah's eyes produced no more tears and her hands were shaky and covered with her blood. Her voice was a hoarse whisper.  
"God, Dad, please come back. I can't do this without you.  
"Please, at least send me a sign that I'm wrong. That I'm not so weak."  
And in that moment, the seemingly eternal cloudcover lifted slightly, letting in rare and far-between rays of pure sunshine. A single beam fell on the spot where Leah was. It warmed her shoulders and dryed the wet spots on her cheeks.  
She sat up a bit. Her breath quickened. Her mind was teetering between the thoughts, 'Coincedence' and 'An answered prayer.  
"Is it really you?"  
Leah heightened sense picked up the lightest touch on her shoulder. Her head turned and she saw a small ladybug on resting there. For the first time that day, she smiled. In the distance, she could hear Jake and Paul howling as they ran through the kissed the grave's marker and stood up.  
"Thanks for listening, Dad. I love you. Always."  
Leah walked away from her father's burial plot and made her way home. She may not be fixed but she finally realized she wasn't completely broken either. 


End file.
